Are You Angry Enough Yet?
Recently I was at a high school football game with my family. We were sitting in the stands waiting for the game to start when I over heard a group of kids talking. In this group of kids, there was a heated discussion between two girls taking place. To recap the interaction I will call the participants girl one and girl two.
Girl one said “I hate you! You are so fake! Ever since you came back you have been all ‘look at me, look what I can do.’ You’re not all that so why don’t you just shut up and stop telling everyone lies about who you are! I was your friend before remember I know how you really are.”
Girl two said “You don’t even know me anymore, I’ve been gone two years and I have changed. You treat me like I am the same person I was then. A lot has happened to me and I am not the same person. Why can’t you just be happy for me and get to know the me that I am now?” Girl two ran away crying. The rest of the group was laughing and applauding girl one, but I did see two members of the group go to console the girl that ran away.
People in our lives change and much to their dismay the people around them; friends, family, even co-workers tend to resist that change. Change is the one and only constant in our lives and change is something we can either do with grace or with resistance. Speaker and author Caroline Myss says “Many of our life crises are divinely scheduled to get us to change and head in a different direction.” Through those changes we begin to emerge a new person and a new persona. I love this quote by Woodrow Wilson, “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” It really does show someone’s true character by how they respond to someone else’s change and evolution. When someone, anyone starts to change, there is always one person who lashes out. They lash out out of jealousy, resentment and fear. Fear of change. Fear of the constant flux that is our lives here on Earth.
I see it every day in my clients and students of people who want to change but are so afraid to do so out of fear of what is on the other side. Fear that they will be rejected by their partner, co-workers or closets friends. They stay in unhealthy relationships, demeaning jobs, or dis-empowering friendships for the sake of what others “might” think about them if they choose to change, if they choose to live their life on their terms. So many are angry that they have wasted so many years resisting change, angry with others for changing and ultimately angry with themselves for sitting still too long. They see others succeed in life and moving forward where they seem stuck.
One of my clients recently went through a situation where she had watched one of her coworkers start with the company and in five short years move up to a senior management position; my client was passed up due to lack of action on her part. She said that she felt the calling to act on things at work, and be the “go getter!” but felt she was less than, and if she tried to be the “go getter” she would be acting as a fraud. That made her so angry that wanting to be more, made her feel like a fraud.
The amazing speaker and author Karly Randolph Pitman said in a talk about how when she was a stay at home mom, she was jealous of this other stay at home mom she was friends with, “Because she was so well put together.” Her friend gave herself permission to change her life so it empowered her. She gave herself permission to wear jeans instead of sweat pants all day. She gave herself permission to be more than what her fear allowed her to wallow in. Karly finally realized she wasn't giving herself permission to live life on her terms, she was holding herself back out of fear.
The brilliant speaker and empowerment coach and my personal mentor Crystal Andrus says in her book Simply Empowered “It takes courage to wake up and make the right choice. It’s the brave people who embrace their feelings rather than numb them, feed them, or run from them. It takes strength to face ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly. It takes strength to tell the people in our lives how we really feel, what we really want and who we really are."
Most people change out of necessity or out of courage which is channeled anger.
“Channeled anger is a powerful force that gives us the fuel we need to shift into higher levels of consciousness. When transmuted, it allows us to move into courage, willingness and ultimately love. What most of us don’t realize is that anger and frustration aren’t necessarily bad things…unless we remain stuck there! In fact, it’s only when a person gets angry enough that things change – they must change. Success will never come until you take action. No amount of praying, meditating, or visualizing will get you there.” Crystal Andrus
“A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.” Harvey MacKay
Now is the time to face those fears of change, now is the time to stand up to all the “girl number one's” in our lives. Don’t run away; stand tall for everyone in your life to see that you are in charge of your dreams, your goals and your life! “It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.” Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Author unknown, commonly misattributed to Charles Darwin
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Caroline Myss Crystal Andrus Woodrow Wilson Karly Randolph Pitman Simply Empowered SWAT Institute Harvey MacKay Mignon McLaughlin The Second Neurotics Notebook Charles Darwin Spirituality charmingpixieflora m flora peterson florasage therapies
My favorite quote from my experience at high school is:
"I've changed."
"Me too, I don't let people like you push me around anymore."
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Great Article,
This actually gave me a lot to think about and work on with myself
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Thank you I really need this. I'm so glad that I took the time out to read this.
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Thanks
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I wonder... is this why I'm not where I want to be in life? Right now, I want a full-time special ed teaching job and I haven't been able to get one for 2 years. Am I afraid? I'm not sure. I guess if I am afraid, how do I overcome this?
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Thank you. Thank you very much. I really needed this post and I am so glad I read it today. I just recently began college (big change!). They say that adjusting to college is hard. It's not. finding who you are when you are on your own is. some times you like it. other times you don't. Today I found I didn't. But reading this post about allowing yourself to change made me feel better. Thanks for that.
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I m glad to read thiz post…
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So true! I would rather play in the waves like a seal, than swim upstream like a salmon.
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