Inoperable Terminal Cancer...
Inoperable Terminal Cancer..What does it all mean? Life, Work, Play, Jobs, Kids, Family, Health, Sickness, Joy, Pain......
My goal in deciding to write a blog was to hopefully have something profound and inspiring each week to offer my readers. Some weeks I would get great ideas for topics, but other weeks would come and go without a profound moment coming to mind, so I would forego writing a blog post. Feeling a bit disappointed in myself for not providing some thought-provoking content, I mentioned my frustration to a close friend of mine. She told me that the value of a blog is in sharing the everyday stuff that people can relate to and really gain guidance from. I realized that in the blogs that I follow that really is the case! It really is the everyday stuff in which we have those “Ah-ha!” moments.
So this blog post will be just about the past two weeks in my circle of life. Two weeks ago, my Dad was told he had cancer. Several tests and exploratory surgeries later, they told him that he has inoperable terminal cancer: cancer of the bile duct, a rare, slow-growing cancer. Not the best news to hear right before Yule and Christmas! My sisters and I all gathered in Minnesota to visit with him the Sunday before last; yes, all seven of us were there! It was so wonderful to see everyone and catch up and just be together as a family. I have received such a tremendous outpouring of questions, love, and light. Let me give you a brief timeline so everyone is up to speed on what has been going on.
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Thursday December 8th – My Stepmom noticed my Dad looked a bit jaundiced.
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Friday December 9th – My Dad went in for testing and found out he had an inflamed bile duct with a possibility of cancer. The doctors were hoping it was just a stone in the bile duct and there would be no cancer.
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Sunday December 11th – Took the red-eye to see my Dad.
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Tuesday December 13th – Flew back to Oklahoma.
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Wednesday December 14th – My Dad went in for an ERCP procedure to look in the bile duct and they discovered that there was no stone, and that it was in fact cancer. Since my Dad’s health is so good otherwise (no meds, no diabetes, healthy blood pressure and cholesterol levels) he was a great candidate for surgery.
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Thursday December 15th – My Dad went in for an MRI.
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Friday December 16th – Went to University of Minnesota for a consult with the surgeon and my Dad was scheduled for surgery on December 22nd. The surgeon was very certain he could probably get out all of the cancer and that my Dad would be on the mend soon. This surgeon is very conservative and wouldn’t attempt surgery if he didn’t think it was going to be successful.
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Monday December 19th – The U of M moved my Dad’s surgery up to Tuesday.
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Tuesday December 20th – My Dad went in for surgery and then came out four hours later with the news. They went in and the cancer looked like a spider web around my Dad’s bile duct, liver, pancreas, and small intestine. It was too extensive to operate successfully. The doctors did not give my Dad a clear estimate as far as how long he may live…they said it could be 5 months or 5 years!
This type of cancer is usually unresponsive to chemotherapy and radiation, but my Dad will start on chemo in two weeks, for up to six months of therapy, to hopefully slow the growth of the cancer.
This entire two-week period I have gone through such a shifting of emotions, from numb to crying to being very optimistic. I have read stories about people who have cured cancers in their bodies or are living with cancer without any problems. All in all though, I have felt this profound sense of peace about this whole thing, like there is a reason, a master plan if you will, about this whole thing. I know that energy cannot be created or destroyed. I know that the Spirit lives on after our physical bodies expire. I know that our thoughts and feelings can create dis-ease in the body. Even though I know all this stuff, I still feel a struggle between my ego (No, he can’t die!…I’ll miss him…etc.) and my Spirit (everyone’s physical body has to die sometime, but his Spirit will live on).
For now, I am just trying to live moment to moment, in the moment, cherishing every moment for what it is because we don’t know how long our physical bodies will be here. My Dad said that he was very grateful to be able to have time to do what he wanted to do to wrap up his life, per se…a luxury my Mom did not have. (She passed away in a car accident when I was 12.)
So I guess my piece of wisdom or advice for this blog post is this:
Cherish and honor everything in your life now. Be fully present in your life. Do not worry about the past or become anxious for the future. If we live in the past or future, we are missing the gift that is Right Now! None of us know how much time we have left, so we must try to truly cherish the present.
Here is an article that really illustrates my point. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Zen-of-Eating-Cream-of-Wheat:-A-Journey-Into-Dementia&id=5366320
Yule Blessings to you!
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: cancer m flora peterson charmingpixieflora yule blessings winter solstice gift in shift
After losing my father 4 years ago to colon cancer I know all those emotions and feelings you speak of. He was 59, young in my eyes, always a hearty, strong man. Yet I knew I was going to lose him to this disease. I also knew, just as you said, his spirit will continue and I took great comfort in that. I talk to my dad all the time, I now live in the home he and my mother shared for years, and I have heard him walk the hall and smelled him in the house. He visits my dreams and I am always overjoyed at each visit. Death is another step we all must take. Losing our loved ones is painful, I know this firsthand. Yet my faith, a pagan faith has softened this sadness. Flora my prayers are with you and your family, take each moment as a blessing. Blessed Be
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My husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer in Oct, had his kidney and mass removed in Nov and was told the cancer is in his lymph nodes. Not the best news but this blog does speak to me in that I'm not alone in watching a loved one go through something like this. Blessings to you and yours during this time and know I raise energy for all who are in need.
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Think carefully about the chemo. My husband and I have been dealing with his cancer all year. One round of chemo thru his port nearly killed him. I feel for you and your family. Any choice you make you wonder if it is right or wrong. Just remember, the livers job is to remove toxins and poisons. Chemo is a poison. Love to you and your family
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Follow-up my husband is now cancer free!!!
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I wish your father the best of luck with his chemotherapy. I just visited my clinic today for a follow-up appointment after a pet scan. My results came back perfect and I can terminate treatment, after 6 months of it. I hope your father gets the most out of the situation and can enjoy what time he is given, whether is be several months or years. I can truly say I kind of understand what he may be going through. Love and light to you and yours.
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I can't say I know how you feel, Flora, bit I do know how I felt when they told my dad had a fatal disease. It was over whelming, but I knew I had to care for his needs with the most positive outlook that I could muster. I now care for my mother who is still here physically, but mentally she is gone from me, she suffers with Alzheimers.
So, my dear Flora, appreciate and enjoy every minute that you have with your dad. He is fortunate to have such a positive daughter in his life.
Peace and Blessings!
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Cancer is never a word you want to hear, especially when it comes to your loved ones. I have lost family from cancer and like you have learned its about loving them in the here and now. That's how you beat cancer- with love; making every day together count, by not worrying about what will happen or praying so hard that it will go away that you become consumed by cancer. When you genuinely free your mind of the negatives cancer brings, you begin to relish the small gifts that lay hidden-saying I love you everyday, every chance you have and cherishing the brave soul your father is and finding your own strength. The power of your convictions can be an amazing experience, deepening your beliefs. So I wish you love, light, healing and inner strength. May you and your family discover your own power and find peace in eachother.
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Oh, Flora! Major hugs to you. I completely understand the war you're having with your ego at the moment. I lost my mom 5 years ago to a rapid form of lung cancer. She died 5 days after being diagnosed. After she passed, my sister and I felt her spirit so strongly around us, wrapping around us, holding us tightly. It was beautiful. I still speak to her all the time and know she is near.
Your dad sounds like he's made peace with himself. That is a gift to you and your sisters. Don't be afraid to let go and let the peace you feel guide you.
Many blessings,
Lisa
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Flora!! Remember when you did that reading on me and it was about my grandmother being terminally ill and me wanting to do work for her but not really feeling called that it was the right thing to do? This is my exact story, it's crazy. My grandmother has bile duct cancer and it spread to her liver. She wasn't originally a candidate for chemo, and it's inoperable. But she's on chemo and responding really well to it. Remind me to tell you about the Chinese herbal tea we gave her. But yes, the whole sense of peace thing? That's how I feel about my grandmother. Like it's her time and spiritually, that she's ready to depart. Great post, and much support, love, and positive energy to your family to get you through this difficult time.
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I wish your father that he will win this battle. I can feel you Flora, I've lost two uncles and a cousin to cancer and many more people I've loved. I can't describe you how I feel after reading your blog. Just know that I'm by your side, praying and sending possitive energy to your dad. We are by your side. Love you Flora. Be strong, be optimistic, take care and Blessed Be!
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